In 2021, I had a difficult phase with symptoms known from burnout and depression.
In the meantime, I am doing well again. The heavy phase in 2021, has given way to a real euphoria in 2022.
In conversations with other people, I have found that many people feel the same way as I do.
During the difficult phase, I reflected a lot, did research and wrote down my findings.
I have now edited my notes and would like to make them available to the public in the hope that they will help other people who are currently still going through such a difficult phase
How did it come about?
- High sense of duty (what I am asked to do, I must do)
- Fear of making serious mistakes (if I make mistakes, it can harm many people)
- Thought patterns to catastrophize (mental cascading of negative scenarios up to catastrophe)
- High standards (tendency to perfectionism, desire to understand everything)
- Low self-esteem (no children, no assets)
- Chronically too much work (already for years; much piled up, suddenly almost simultaneously important)
- Increasing complexity at work (desire to understand everything, feeling unable to keep up)
- Too little rest (meditation and breaks neglected, exercise once a week not enough)
- Too focused on work (hobbies and social contacts neglected)
What were the consequences?
- Feeling of not being good enough for society, of only being a burden.
- Decreased concentration and comprehension (I had to ask more often because I forgot or didn't understand things)
- Circling thoughts
- How could it have come to this?
- What do others think about me now?
What was probably not helpful?
- Thoughts around the correct diagnosis
- Even psychologists disagree: No burnout, that's depression! / No depression, that was a burnout!
- Worries that one or the other diagnosis could have consequences for my professional future.
What helped me?
- About 2 months time off from work.
- Insights into my personality: My behavior, my sense of duty and the fact that I think a lot are normal for my personality type.
- Dealing with small children: They are not yet so much shaped by society, comparable to untrained artificial intelligences, only that they are biological and still far more complex than our AIs of today. They liked me as I was, as a human being, regardless of any technical talents.
- An intelligent, experienced psychologist (74 years old) who taught me to work at my own pace, regardless of what was asked of me. And that I should think bigger, for all humanity.